Category Archives: Interwebs

#: 245

Hi Emmie,

I miss ya, girlie. I just haven’t had the time to write to you in a positive way. My life is kinda a shambles right now. It’s hard to shine light on positive things. You shine light through a magnifying glass and then you have a blaze.

Well anyway, tonight’s topic is about Rangarok Online and World of Warcraft, but more importantly, about stuff going on in my head. It’s really hard for me to level in WoW now. I find that I lack motivation a lot, and I end up just forum whoring on RO-related forums. Not even cause I want to play, just because I yearn for that social interaction I get on RO. I wish I could have that in WoW too. I think I’d really love the game, if it had the social aspect that RO does. I don’t know, I just wish I understood. I feel guilty, like I’m cheating on Daniel or something, when I want to hang out with old RO buddies, and I want to forum whore, and I want to slave people (even though I don’t even want to play). When I sit down and I think about playing RO, I think it’s like… I dunno. I guess it’s not even a conscious battle. I don’t type here saying I don’t want to play, when inside I really do. I sincerely am active in noticing all the shitty things I’d have in my life if I played RO. The sleepless nights, the stress over the smallest things, the drama. I think I’ve figured it out, from typing here. I think RO is the one place I always felt like I fit in. Even when I was really popular, I’m not sure if I really felt at home with my friends. I didn’t smoke weed, and they did. And now, how do I fit in? My friends are in college and living the college life. Even if I was a good student, a good person, and could get through college, I wouldn’t be living ‘the college life’. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs. There are people who don’t do these things, too, but it’s hard to find them my age. And then there’s the next best thing, where people don’t drink much. But they still drink, so I don’t relate to them entirely. Making myself ‘cool’ with my boyfriend drinking socially was a HUGE, MONUMENTAL feat for me.

In RO I felt like I always fit in. I always had someone to talk to. I guess I hate being an attention whore sometimes, but sometimes I like it, and I could get that there. Easily. Sometimes it’s a really nice thing to be ‘known’. And in a game where millions of people play (WoW), how can I ever be known? Especially when I SUCK? I suck at WoW. I really do. Maybe I’ll be better at 80, when Daniel can yell at me when I mess up (I think I learn best this way, it’s how I learned RO). But at the same time, I don’t know how it will go. Daniel has this grand vision of all 4 of us playing together (Daniel, Daniel, Luk, and I)… the flaw in his vision is that their first language is Portuguese and mine is English. Even last night when we were all in party, I made a few sexual comments, Daniel told me to stop, and then I just had to shut up. What else can I talk about? Sexual jokes is something everyone can relate to or find funny (even if you haven’t had sex). So then they reverted back to just speaking Portuguese, and I was the odd man out. But then again, when we’re all speaking English, the other Daniel must feel the way I do, since he doesn’t speak English well enough to be part of the conversation. So really the situation just sucks, and it’s hard to have motivation to get to 80. Also, the leveling at 71 feels slower than it did at 98 on ParadiseRO (4x Rates).

I’ve lurked around different forums and found that there are a lot of old school people playing on Eternity. It makes me want to be a part of it. Notice how I didn’t say play. I don’t want to play. I want that feeling of being remembered. “Ooooh! Lyx! Suuupp! I remember you from x!” I want the feeling of belonging, of friendship, of connection, of a past. That’s one of the problems with playing games. The friends you get in games… damn they’re cool, close friends. But when you stop playing that game, your connection is severed until you play again. It’s not that while you’re in game, you’re only talking about the game. It’s just that playing the game facilitates the social interaction that I yearn for.

Maybe I want to be involved with RO just because I want something trivial to stress about, something less serious than my job, and my life sucking. I don’t know. I wish I knew what draws me away from WoW and towards the community of RO. I wish I could reverse it so I could spend time with Daniel… but in the end I guess it wouldn’t be time with Daniel, it would be time to watch Portuguese words fly by without any meaning.

Gone to sleep to late again~



I wish we could just play IRL.


#: 230

I’ve come to find that I am often amused by the simplest of things, and sometimes it’s really easy to make me happy, but then sometimes it’s extremely difficult to make me happy. Actually, not so true. If I’m in a really shitty mood, usually the simplest of things fixes the problems, but it’s hard to find that one thing that will make me feel better, out of all of the things you could possibly think to do, you have to find it. I can’t even tell you. I just know it’s usually stupid shit that makes me feel better. It’s just finding that timing  or special thing to say or do to make me smile or giggle. Daniel’s usually really good at that. Sometimes both of us just don’t have the patience to deal with each other, which is really understandable. But then sometimes we’re just what the other needs, and it’s such a great balance we have.

So Daniel and I were playing WoW with the guys tonight, and it was pretty fun. It was distracting to have all of us playing. Half the time I really lost track of leveling. But yeah, he did this for me:

His flying machine thing...
His flying machine thing...
The final!
The final!

Can you possibly imagine how long this took him to do? Kid must be bored waiting for me to catch up to him, but it’s amazing the things he thinks of to do for me. Maybe I’m just amazed because Chris really never did cutesy, sweet things like that for me. I don’t remember Mike doing it either. And it’s really just the stupidest little things that I get the most joy out of, and I think he loves that I enjoy such little things; it must make this relationship so easy and rewarding sometimes.

I hope the distance doesn’t affect our relationship like it did for Chris and I. And I don’t know what happened with Mike and I, maybe distance too. This situation is even more delicate because I think ultimately, we’d like to live in the United States… which is hard to do when he is not legally allowed to even visit the United States. I think over the next year or two we’ll really try to find a solid plan for him visiting here. It might end up with a legal marriage that is not real to us. It’ll be funny if we break up though, we’ll have to get a divorce, which would be funny since we’ll just feel it as a break up, not a full blown divorce. I think getting married and getting whatever it takes to live here is the only way we can do it where it’s like the visa I have. My visa lasts for 5 years and I can visit back and forth as long as I don’t stay for 3 months cumulative. If I need more, I can just get a new visa I think. But for him, even if he manages to get a visa, I think it’s very temporary. I think it’s pretty bullshitty that we have to make the ‘sanctity of marriage’ a visa for him, lol.

I think I’ll turn in.


#: 222


[12:33:03] Daniel says:
I wish we were like 60
[12:33:07] Alyx says:
Me too.
[12:33:10] Alyx says:
Hellfire is more fun.
[12:33:15] Daniel says:
So it’d mean we would have grandkids
[12:33:20] Daniel says:
ha-ha, gotcha
[12:33:21] Daniel says:
[12:33:27] Alyx says:
We woul— HAHHA
[12:33:31] Alyx says:
[12:33:43] Daniel says:


[12:40:52] Alyx says:
[12:40:53] Daniel says:
[12:40:55] Alyx says:
I have the best man in the world.
[12:40:57] Alyx says:
[12:41:00] Daniel says:
[12:41:00] Alyx says:
I dun sharez.
[12:41:04] Alyx says:
[12:41:04] Alyx says:
[12:41:05] Alyx says:
[12:41:06] Alyx says:
[12:41:08] Daniel says:
[12:41:10] Alyx says:
[12:41:12] Alyx says:
omg yay.

#: 194

I don’t know why the balls my radio isn’t working. That’s irritating. Also, for anyone who’s seem the new layout and has complaints about their still not being other content, bite me. I’ll get to it. I’m tired. I’m stressed. And I have other shit I could be doing.

In other news… you should get a brute. And you should be my pupil.

Also, I have two fights I’d like you to see. If it says there was an error, just refresh… <– that was just sick. lol. CHEATTERRR <– Overkill.

Well, anyway. I’m trying to be chipper and having fun… and making jokes and shit. It’s not particularly working… or it’s just up and down. I’m really unusually tired, and I’m incredibly stressed. I have to take an exam tonight… but I don’t really care since I failed math. School is such a lost cause for me…

My head hurts.
- Alyx