Absence

Emmie,
I do apologize wholeheartedly for my absence. Sometimes my absence means that I am just tickled with joy by life. Other times I’m not even close to that, but am so distracted and busy that I can’t even write here. I guess I have a lot to tell you, Emmie. It has been nearly two whole months since I have talked to you. Again, I am so sorry for this.

Since the beginning of November I had been talking to this guy. He’s really awesome and I was trying to prevent anything from happening between us. I told him multiple times I didn’t want the distance, and probably wasn’t even psychologically ready for a relationship anyway. Ironically enough, he was coming this way to visit some friends in PA. He came here first and we hung out a lot. We really fell for each other, quite hard. It was still tortuous for me and very difficult to just allow us to happen. I’ve been so terrified of rushing into things because of the last few years of my life. From talking to some close friends about it, I made the decision to try it out. So far we’re really happy. I’m going to visit him in May, and I think he’s going to come here for Christmas. I’m still terrified of it not working because of distance and whatever else… but I’ll worry about that if the time comes to worry about it, I guess.

Daniel apparently can’t be anything but an asshole now. It sucks, but oh well, I guess. I guess I attract people who can’t be friends with me after a relationship. Or can’t even talk to me it looks like. Two out of the three biggest relationships in my life, they won’t even talk to me. It makes me really upset. I have to find a way to get over it. Crying over two boys who won’t talk to me anymore, every time I think of them is just silly. I guess it’s a good thing I never went to Germany. I guess it’s a good thing that Brazilian never moved here. But I guess I just live in the past; I think about Mike every now and then, even still. Bitch hasn’t talked to me in months, and probably has no intention of ever speaking to me again, and I still think about him. I wish I could get over him, just not think about him anymore. I don’t think it’s possible for me to just forget him. I wish I could, because he doesn’t deserve my thoughts anymore. And now with Daniel, just acting nonchalant and assholeish like he never wants to talk to me again. Fine. Jerk ~_~. I guess I attract those sorts of people, or rather, I like those sorts of people, or gravitate towards them.

On to the next bit of whirlwind in my life. I am currently living with my grandmother in my uncle’s extra house. She broke her leg nearly 3 months ago. She was in rehab for a considerable amount of time, and then she stayed at her sister’s house for a bit, then she was at my uncle’s. It was kind of dropped in my lap, and has been a very up-and-down sort of experience. Thankfully grandma is starting to calm down, and I guess everyone else is too (my dad and uncles). I think I will be living here for about a year until she is ready to go into an assisted living place or a retirement home, not sure which. If she falls or something happens obviously it may not be a year. I would love to buy this house from my uncle, but obviously I don’t have money like that. I do have internet and cable tv in the house now, for the first 2-3 weeks we didn’t have cable tv or internet. For a week they were fixing the pipes so I had to go home to take showers. For the first 2 weeks I had my dog Charlie here. Now she’s not allowed here and I miss her a lot. I wish it were easier for her, and then it would be easier for me…

I’m starting school this week. I’m hoping it won’t be as stressful a last semester. All of my classes are online, so that’s good. Self motivation can deteriorate after a time though.

Oh, also. I’m getting my license on March 16th. That’s when my test is scheduled. If I fail it that’ll be shitty because they have a huge back up. Maybe I’ll schedule a second one just in case.

Anyway. That’s the run down, excluding a lot of details. I’ll try to post more frequently.

Hope you’re okay, Mike.

Alyx

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