I wish I could get him out of my fucking head. He hasn’t talked to me in almost a month and a half. Some how this time it feels much longer. I’m surprised it’s not longer. I guess it feels longer because I somehow in my heart think he’s not coming back this time. I think the last time I’ll ever have spoke to him was an argument about something I found silly. But whatever, I guess I should know better, right? He’s done this to me so many times since I’ve known him. I’ve called it his ‘disappearing’ trick. there was one time where he didn’t talk to me for a year. A year, even when me e-mailing things like: ‘Hey, how are you? I hope everything is okay, I hope you’re not working yourself to death’ every few weeks. He was deleting my e-mails. How awesome is that?
The reasons why I think he’s never going to come back is because the last time we talked was an argument, so it’s not even just that he’s busy with work and can’t make time to say hi, even though that may help him avoid me. And, I had told him I would give us a second shot if he could decide that he could make time in his life for me. His parents own a business and he gets that business when they give it to him. If he has an international girlfriend, it’ll be difficult to run the business. My theory is that he’s decided ‘I’m not going to do this’ but instead of telling me he’s avoiding me. He’s not just avoiding me, he also is busy with work.
I wish I could get him out of my head. I wish I could stop thinking how he could fix my tears when I have a bad day. I wish I could stop thinking we were so happy, I wish I could have it again. If he’s done with me, I wish I could be done with him.