#: 221

I like Lady Gaga.

I actually am fairly confident that if I had some reason to write a college paper about how Lady Gaga is amazing and genius, I would get an A on said paper.
I actually don’t feel like writing about it right now, because I kind of want to work on a layout for Emmie, but Lady Gaga kinda consumes me right now. Which is saying a lot from me because I am generally very sexist about vocals in music. 8/10 times I don’t like songs if females are singing it, but would like it if I male was singing it. Sometimes when girls are singing they just sound like whiney dying cats to me.

My job stresses me, as we all know. My brother and sister knitpick at me, my sister micromanages me, and I loathe it. I’m tired and I’m still only really eating one meal a day, perhaps a problem but I’m not addressing the situation. I also am finding myself too tangled up in things to do, to be able to start my exercise regimen. But wanting to be healthy really consumes me. I feel like I think about being healthier for various reasons 75% of my day. There are like sooo many reason that I want to be healthy and lose weight. It would benefit me in so many ways, it’s just very hard to change.

At night before I fall asleep, I have thoughts with ridiculous amounts of clarity, understanding, and usually epiphany. Last night I came to the conclusion that drugs, addiction, and rehab really kind of have a similar base for life and change. Most people are very comfortable with the day-to-day routine. Living life without change (for most people) is like a drug. Changing any behaviors that you’ve been doing for years is like getting yourself to stop doing drugs. Changing is like going through rehab. It’s ridiculously hard. I wish I had a good rehab program. The reason why this is, is because I over think everything, and I’ve watched/read things about people who are trying to kick one habit or another. There’s always the acknowelegement that the change is much better for you than the current. But it’s easier to be addicted, it’s easier to stick to what you’ve made regular, drugs, being fat, eating at these teams vs. those. Certain things are so hardwired that they’re like more hardcore addictions.

Being lazy is like… heroine to me. The heroine is so bad that it affects all aspects of my life, and even though I know it’s better for me to not be addicted to heroine, I just have to have it, I have to be lazy. Drinking soda is like weed to me. It’s something I feel like I can quit anytime (and it is usually pretty easy for me to quit drinking soda), but at the same time it’s eating away at certain things that are really important, irreversible damage. Weed does irreversible damage to brain cells, soda does irreversible damage to teeth. I could probably also write a paper about this particular subject. With a outline, I could have every aspect of my life lined up and compared and contrast to illegal drugs. :)

lol.
Alyx

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