I just ran. I’m SO out of shape, it’s ridiculous. We have a rod floor that’s for our gymnasts to tumble on. And I did 10 laps down and back. Just asked my mom what the length of it is. 84 feet. So 1 lap is 168 feet. And all laps total, 1680 feet. But anyway. I did 5 and 5. After the second 5, I was really struggling. Water is so awesome. I’m really tired. I figured I’d get energy from expending energy, but I haven’t eaten yet… hopefully I’ll get energy from food.

Man I hate waking up early. And man I hope I can get into the habit of getting in shape. I want to be able to run around the lake with Daniel.

Anyway. Any words of encouragement? Any schedule suggestions? need me to write out what I do currently? Or rather what I’ll do in the fall?

Anyway. I’m thinking that I might want to keep a blog here about my problems and successes. I want to get down to a size 12 or 14. Right now I can fit into some 18 stuff but I guess I’m more realistically a 20. It would be cool to be one  of those positive stories of weight loss and happiness, etc. I would like it for multiple reasons. a). confidence. My face is gorgeous. If I had the body to go with it, I’d be a knock out. b). My bf. This is a multilevel reason. He’d like me to be smaller for many reasons. One of which is my health, another is simple vanity, another is like… for our interaction. Like sitting on his lap more comfortably, picking me up, etc. c). Health. d). Being more active; ie. tumbling in the gym, etc. e). Curbing anxiety. Being obese is like… I’m pretty sure it affects the hormones. Not positive… but being active definitely curbs my anxiety a bit. But also… when you’re obese falling down or hurting yourself seems even more daunting with every extra pound. Try falling on your hands and knees with a 50 lb vest on. I’m sure that shit will hurt.

So? Who feels like cheering me to size 14? 12? 10? gasp :O 10 I guess will be my ultimate goal since that’s the avg for American women… I think. lol

It kinda upsets me also because of the money aspect. I’m already ass-deep in credit card debt. Now I’ll add to it. lol. I’ve never had over $1K debt that I didn’t have money to pay off. It really bothers me. I don’t think my credit score has gone down or anything… but it still bothers me. I don’t want to get in trouble with it. Lately I’ve been letting my mom pay for my food, even though I hate that… I’m just avoiding spending money at all costs until I pay it off more. I’m about to have to pay $200 for the cable bill, $50+ for my phone bill, $50+ for the heater… ._. Hopefully I’ll pull out of it. Maybe I’ll stop putting money towards Daniel and I for a month or two, which is an extra $400 towards paying off my debt. But the gym also owes me $2K or so, so if I ever get that check, I’ll be good.

Anyway… I also started reading around online and found that putting tempts in the 70s will put them into hibernation. Which is okay and natural I guess… but I don’t want him to hibernate T_T I want him to eat and be active! So yeah…

I’m tired and have to teach in 15 mins.

P.S. I’m going to the zoo on Friday and we’ll have an awesome time. Then I’ll play cards. And then I’ll go crabbing with the fam. Totally siked!

A). Yes, your 3 year old has brains.

B). Yes, your 3 year old probably takes advantage of you.

C). Yes, your 3 year old  will cry to get your attention if you give them attention everytime they cry.

D). Your parenting reflects poorly upon your child if they act this way.

Ie. there is this 3.5 year old in camp this week. She is strong. She has talent, she could be a gymnast. Once the parent dropping her off leaves, she’s fine, smiles, particiupates without crying. As soon as a parent is here she cries and melts into their arms; perfect picture of ‘I’m a helpless 3 year old at camp’. Because of her parents, I won’t bother inviting her to any kind of class.

Keep enabling your kids, assholes.

To add to it, I have 3 and 4 year olds all morning. It wouldn’t be all that bad, if half of them weren’t brats. This one cries and cries in the beginning of camp, her mom comes into the gym EVERY. FUCKING. MORNING. Parents aren’t allowed in the gym unless they’re there for a parent participation class. There is no parent participation for camp. Get. The. Fuck. Out. The whole crying and ‘mommy mommy, I want mommy’ bullshit pisses me off. I’m bigger than you kid, I know you’re playing your mom for everything she’s worth, and you get away with it. I fucking HATE that. UGH. Anyway. It also frustrates me that there are some talented kids in my group, which is usually hard to come by for a group of 3 and 4 year olds. Generally they’re brain dead midgets that are running around over stimulated by all the gym has to offer. Nah, these kids could be good if they weren’t fucking brats. That girl that cries every morning? If I didn’t hate her mother, and how bratty she is and gets away with everything… she could go somewhere in gymnastics. But she won’t because of her mom. I won’t even bother pursuing her because of her mom.

Anyway. So not only do I have camp from 8:30 – 1, I then get dragged back into the gym here and there because I’m everyone’s puppet and have no choice, otherwise I’m always the scape goat for bad employee. But then I teach a class at 4:00. So I teach from 4:00- 5:00, and then I coach from 5:30-8:30. It’s so much. Actually interacting with children takes so much out of you. For that amount of time, it’s insane. Maybe I shouldn’t be a mom. I don’t have it in me, man. I just don’t. I actually pretty much pulled my shit together toward the end of the day. Didn’t feel so grumpy when I got home.

But then of course, I got in pissing matches with two people back to back, and now I just feel that chokey-feeling at the back of my throat right before a panic attack. Funny, I think I’m too tired to even have a panic attack. That chokey feeling has been there for at least 10 minutes, and no panic attack has come. I think I’m that tired, it’s so amazing. Have you ever been so tired you can’t have a panic attack even though it feels like your body needs to have one? I apparently have been that tired before! Yeah. I’m selfish, other people are selfish. The world keeps going. Woot woot. I had a nice evening of Dragon Ball Z and The Guild planned for tonight. The people I was gonna watch with don’t like my long days either, so we’re not doing those things anymore !

Big sigh. I just want to cry myself to sleep. I’m so emo. If only I could get my hair as straight as emo kids do. Then I’d be on a ball. Oh yeah… so my little free time is one of the things that stresses me out. There is not enough time for me to get the things done I want to get done in the amount of time allotted. I’m supposed to go to my niece and nephew’s. I’m supposed to see my friend Jon. And then I just want to sit. I just want to sit and bring in all the nothingness that is so lovely from being away from work. I wish I had two days off so I could have one for other people and one for me. Will I even have the energy to go crabbing this weekend if weather/car permits? That’s a sad thought right there. Do I have enough energy to go crabbing? I can’t believe I even have to ask such a question. What is life coming to?

*sigh* All 3 of my favorite people I barely got to talk to today. It stresses me so fucking much. I guess I chased 2 of them away, and then the other one I can’t really talk to because I’m at work all day and can’t talk to him more than 5 minutes. gotta love time zones. I wish I had more people I liked to talk to.

Emmie, help me feel better?

I had to change it because when you say 'Super Lyx' it sounds bad... Mark pointed it out and made fun of me !

Finally! 3 months later, I get to get my toes done again!

I win the qtpie award, hands down.

Was playing CoD and took this for Daniel!

My day was exciting, WASN’T IT? Yes, of course. <3 SLAMMIN’ POOL PARTY TOMORROW WITH FUNFETTI AND SHIRLEY TEMPLES!

<3 bai!

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