Category Archives: Misc.

!! !!! !!!!!!!

Me: MY iMAC GETS HERE TODAY !

Eric: !

Me: !
I has a handsome hubby in my profile picture.
u jelly
+_+

Eric: !

Me: !
Let’s communicate via exclamation points.

Eric: i am handsome hubby

Me: I’M GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND THIS

Eric: ! !!!! !! !!!! !!!

Me: I love to fuck you ?
! !!!! !! !! !!!!!! !! !!!

Eric: wow. You were so close.

Me: oh
want
want to fuck you

Eric: haha unbelievable

Saturday night…

So Saturday night I had one of my ‘pain’ attacks. I’ve had these ever so often since… I think my first one I was still with Mike. So that’s years ago. Years of these things. But not too often really. Anyway. I’m not sure I’ve ever explained the attacks on here before. I have to a few people that are close to me. Essentially it’s a rapid onset of pain. It makes it so I can’t move. If I move I will have trouble breathing and I will probably throw up. To make it easier on myself I just kinda writhe in bed. In the past I always assumed it was a gas thing or an acid reflux sorta thing. It would be this continuing pain from my chest, I guess it would kinda start in my stomach and radiate up. But then it went to my back. It was just bad. Anyway, I had one of these attacks on Saturday. The issue was, the pain in my chest didn’t stop. I couldn’t sleep. I got my parents involved. I’m never in enough pain to get anyone but close people online involved, and that’s usually after it happens. My dad chalked it up to acid reflux or heartburn or something. So I took a lot of heartburn stuff, anti bloating stuff, and it helped, but I couldn’t sleep. It was very frustrating, and very painful. I couldn’t sleep the next night either. So I made an appointment. A doctor’s appointment. Quick thing about me; I hate doctors. I have avoided doctors successfully for 10 years.

My doctor is pretty awesome though. He had me run blood work on Monday, he called me Monday night after he scheduled an ultrasound for me the next day. Then he told me over the phone some enzyme was high and I probably had gallstones. He wanted more blood tests to make sure I didn’t have hepatitis. This morning I had more blood work and an ultrasound. Ultrasound technician had some trouble, I feel kinda bruised from it :( But regardless, I have ‘too many gallstones to count’ so I need surgery. My doctor said they’d just pluck the stones out, but I have an appointment with my surgeon on Friday. I guess, possibly he’d take the gallbladder out completely. I don’t know. I kinda hope not. Sounds more serious than just plucking them out.

Regardless. This just goes to show my eating habits of kinda fasting and eating big meals… can’t do that. Also can’t eat these hugely fatty meals without consequence. Not sure how well I can work it out since it’s engrained into me to eat this way… but the pain sucked and hopefully it’ll motivate me to be better. :)

I need to go to bed because the pain is starting to get to me when it hasn’t been here all night. Would be a shame to not get sleep because of pain when I’ve been up all day with no pain!

<3, Alyx

Lonely

Hi emmie.
I’m talking to you because I have np one to talk to. I don’t even really think it’s a romantic loneliness, but maybe it is. I just lay down in bed and wish I had someone to talk to at that moment, when really I should just be going to bed…

I’m so needy. A bunch of people text me, then they stop and I feel sad that no one is texting me anymore.

Won a ranked game. Going to sleep. Night.

#: 319

So with the help of Mike I finally got the positioning of this damn thing the way it’s supposed to go. Looks pretty nice, but it’s nothing I envisioned or anything. The cool ideas I had were based off copyrighted content that I couldn’t put in my portfolio, so I didn’t want to. :( I also have to make my friend Daniel’s website for a wonderful company he’s starting. It’s called Eternal Roots. Whenever someone buys a shirt, a tree will be planted. Eventually he’ll have different designs printed on the shirts and you will be able to support different species of trees! I’ll definitely post it here once I get it live. <3

Wooo new layout. Emmie had been waiting. <3

#: 315

Heya. Sooo yeah, recent events have made me want to write here! So here I go :) First of all, working with/for family can sometimes be really stressful. Also it really stresses me out to know people that are so… heated? I don’t even know the word to use here. Just responding to everything in the most extreme way possible everytime. I hope I’m not one of those people, even though sometimes I know I can be. Anyway so some shit at work you know. And lately I really feel like I want to grow up and stop gossiping and talking about what happened. I should just leave it as it is and yeah.  Well, I’m still young and still have time to learn and act on these life lessons.

Anyway, moving on. I am tired and have had a long day. My alarm was going off for an hour. I finally dragged my ass out of bed at 9:30, and took forever to catch a bus, and then it was smooth while on Metro. Went to the Museum of Natural History. I hadn’t been there in years. And can I say? I fucking love that place. I wish I could go there every day for a week to actually absorb all the information that is to be experienced in that lovely building. However, my experience today wasn’t so beautiful. I didn’t have enough time, I spent most of it in the exhibit I’ll do my website on… so I didn’t get to see all the stuff I wanted to. Also, as cool as it was in the beginning to be by myself, it started dawning on me that it would’ve been cooler to have a person or people with me.  Yeah. Anyway, then I had to go to work and teach a class. Oh and I went to the book store (twice now) and they didn’t have the book I needed for school. Moving on… then I went to eat food, then was waiting around for a while to go to the movies… I get tired easily, and then cranky, and this is why I dislike late showings :( Anyway. I saw Inception

Note: I won’t bother finishing this, it was apparently a lost draft. Not sure when it was written. Oh Sept 25th apparently.

#: 311

Emmie,

SOOOOO I started school last week… or week before?, and it’s fabulous n_n! One shitty thing is just… really realizing how much I need my license. For instance, today, public transportation ate up 2.5 hours of my life. Transportation to and from school shouldn’t be more than an hour, hour and a half at absolute worst! Anyway. it’s good because I eat pretty good during school, and I walk hellalot. anyway. So yeah, school’s pretty good. That whole few sentences was written a while ago, I guess. I think last Thursday, even…? or maybe this past Tuesday. I’m not sure. xD!

Anyway, life is pretty crazy. Growing up is so weird sometimes. And to think, I don’t even have the bulk of responsibilities I need to be considered a real adult. Today I was at school from 8:30-3ish, then I went to work. Thing is… I wake up around 6:30. So I’m up and running from 6:30 – 8:30, walking, or working, or schooling, or whatever. Pretty tough. Oh, there’s also the public transportation which takes a lot out of me, mainly because of my backpack… and because in the morning… it’s really early, and in the evenings, it’s after a huge long day of using my brain to it’s capacity! I have a lot of homework, mostly reading. I’m hoping I can clean my room while reading… basically.. start a load of laundry, read, switch the laundry, take some trash off my desk, read, change the load again, etc.

Anyway, moving on… I’m kinda stressed about school for the long run, because I’ve always wanted to go to Maryland… but it seems that they don’t really have any programs that I want/need. Any degree I would get there would be settling for it because I wanted a piece of paper that said I graduated from Maryland. And then… basically, the program I kinda got set on, then my sister told me that you have to take Calculus to get into it! So that started making me feel pretty panicked as well. And then I looked into the OT program at Towson, and there’s a bunch of classes I need to take before I go there, which isn’t quite as bad, to be honest. The math is what scares me. Sciences don’t scare me much, unless they have a lot of math in them. Plus, the Towson stuff, I think I have a few classes under my belt to go there.

Next concern: I’m going into, or am in one of those psychological down hill situations that are caused from social problems. For instance, I was getting too ‘kushey’ with having a few friends, within the last few months. I was talking to Daniel regularly, as well as Mike, and Jonathan. I’m pleased to say that Daniel and I are playing WoW, and hence talking a lot more. And, I’m going there in December so I think we’re both kinda excited that we’ll see each other ‘soon’. And then, recently (last two weeks or so), I guess I could consider Tyler a friend. Tyler is Lizzie’s brother, and we’ve held conversation before, but prior to a week or two ago there was never consecutive attempts to communicate mutually. But then suddenly he was bored and hung out with me multiple times in the span of 2 weeks or so. Maybe 3 weeks. Anyway. So, Mike’s really busy with work, Tyler is about to move to Delaware, and the last one bugs me the most. Basically because I’m an immature female who needs to go to sleep and mind her own business. Basically, I over analyze everything, and that’s what’s happening here. Plus, I detach easly so hopefully this will end quickly. I have physical symptoms of emotional strain right now, but I’m hoping it’s because I’m tired, not because I’m attached. So I’ll whisper to make me feel better in case he reads this, because I don’t want to be confronted about it:

Sooo… on Facebook today, I read that Jonathan was engaged! At first my heart sank, and then I started thinking logically, that it must be some stupid Facebook bullshit. I didn’t really think on it much after that I guess. But as I got home, I just started thinking about it a lot for some reason. I’m not sure if I’m just jealous because as soon as there’s another girl, the friendship is not anywhere close to the same. But at the same time, I’ve wanted that all along, so it’s not fair. Can’t have it both ways. Anyway, so I just put my analytical brain on, and keep going back and forth. this is one of those reasons I hate facebook. What’s real? To me, it seems like total and utter bullshit, but that may just be a defense mechanism. I dunno, everything logically says it’s bullshit. Maybe I’ve spent less time with him in the past few weeks than I thought. But still, it’s kinda weird that he’s had time to farm the kind of relationship that ends in engagement. Maybe it’s a test. Is it a test to see how well I know him? I feel like it’s bullshit and he wouldn’t rush into such a commitment, so it must be a joke.

BUT, at the same time, the comments and everything in response… are legit, like people think they’re engaged. Even if it’s just some old friend he’s known for years… I still can’t see him just up and eloping. But maybe I’m arrogant and really don’t know the guy. Kinda disturbing actually. Maybe what’s more disturbing is I really consider this guy a best friend to me, but sometimes I feel like I could just drop him. Am I a survivor, or just a cold-hearted-bitch? I’m typing on and on about this, this is bothering me a lot I guess. He did call me lupa today… but something tells me he’d call me lupa even if he got married… mm I don’t know. The clues are confusing. I should be a detective? Maybe. I’m like shivering because I’m thinking about it so much. I guess my problem is… I can take things from me, but if they’re taken from me… it’s a completely different story. Completely. Also, I wonder if he avoided coming because of her. That’s one point the other side of the argument has. It goes like this… this weekend, Jon and I planned to hang out all weekend (pretty much), at Wendy’s (my sister) house. We did this some other weekend and it was awesome. We played Rock Band with the kids all day. Was fabulous time. I talked to him on the phone night before it was supposed to happen. He was concerned about money, but he also said he would come one way or another, when I started to say, ‘okay I guess I’ll see you next week.’.

Anyway, so I figured he was coming, and then he didn’t show up that night, and texted me saying he’d come in the morning, then he called in the morning and said they didn’t pay him. It was all really kinda sketchy and weird, like… not him. So that was Saturday, I think, and then we got him to come Sunday evening… so I’m wondering if he was avoiding because of this chick? I kinda think that’s my paranoia talking, but who knows, I kinda think and analyze every aspect of the equation. Oh, by the way, there were pictures on facebook of the ‘promise’ ring (ring pop), which if it were alone, everyone would know it were bullshit. But then there was also a picture of her finger with a ring on it. Okay, a). it could’ve just been some fun day, let’s take the facebook shit even further, b). I’m fairly certain he doesn’t have money like that. And if he does, then him ditching on the plans we had… was bullshit. Which pisses me off and makes me not trust him.

I’m done whispering. I think I’m also done typing. Before I started typing this, I was suddenly awake. Like… awake with my emotions and cold, etc. Now I just feel tired and ready for bed, but it’s still kinda early…

#: 310

Dear Emmie and friends,

I just ran. :) I’m SO out of shape, it’s ridiculous. We have a rod floor that’s for our gymnasts to tumble on. And I did 10 laps down and back. Just asked my mom what the length of it is. 84 feet. So 1 lap is 168 feet. And all laps total, 1680 feet. But anyway. I did 5 and 5. After the second 5, I was really struggling. Water is so awesome. I’m really tired. I figured I’d get energy from expending energy, but I haven’t eaten yet… hopefully I’ll get energy from food.

Man I hate waking up early. And man I hope I can get into the habit of getting in shape. I want to be able to run around the lake with Daniel.

#: 308

So… hello!
Basically I struggle to get on the good foot with eating right and exercising. It’s so hard to have the… or make the time to exercise. I work a lot, and I’ll be in school a lot. So I’m not sure how I’ll have time to exercise. I like to exercise at the gym, but I feel self conscious about doing it when people are there to watch me. One morning within the last two weeks I ran 10 laps in the gym. It was so nice. I was really stressed at the time and it just kinda… melted the stress away. So I think if I got into the habit of exercising it would be similar to an addiction. It would make my body work better, etc.

Anyway. I’m thinking that I might want to keep a blog here about my problems and successes. I want to get down to a size 12 or 14. Right now I can fit into some 18 stuff but I guess I’m more realistically a 20. It would be cool to be one  of those positive stories of weight loss and happiness, etc. :) I would like it for multiple reasons. a). confidence. My face is gorgeous. If I had the body to go with it, I’d be a knock out. b). My bf. This is a multilevel reason. He’d like me to be smaller for many reasons. One of which is my health, another is simple vanity, another is like… for our interaction. Like sitting on his lap more comfortably, picking me up, etc. c). Health. d). Being more active; ie. tumbling in the gym, etc. e). Curbing anxiety. Being obese is like… I’m pretty sure it affects the hormones. Not positive… but being active definitely curbs my anxiety a bit. But also… when you’re obese falling down or hurting yourself seems even more daunting with every extra pound. Try falling on your hands and knees with a 50 lb vest on. I’m sure that shit will hurt.

So? Who feels like cheering me to size 14? 12? 10? gasp :O 10 I guess will be my ultimate goal since that’s the avg for American women… I think. lol